Why do we normalise gym memberships but not therapy?
I live in central London and 8/10 people I meet either have a gym membership or have at least had one at some point. Working in an office doesn’t really provide adequate opportunities to get your blood pumping and break a sweat (except for when a deadline hits you out of nowhere, that will definitely increase your heart rate), so in a lot of cases the easiest way to combat this is to join a gym and hope the membership fees give you the motivation you need to go at least 3 times a week.
Most of us acknowledge the importance of a ‘good diet’ matched with regular exercise to maintain an optimal level of health, so when a friend, family member or colleague says “I’m joining the gym” you often respond by commending them on their responsible choice to look after themselves. There is, however, still a bit of stigma around a perception of joining the gym/going on a diet with the intention to ‘lose weight’, and if your physical appearance generally fits the socialised norm of ‘healthy’ and ‘attractive’ you’ll find you’re met with challenging comments like “What are you doing that for?”, “You don’t need to join a gym!” or (my personal favourite) “There’ll be nothing left of you!”. Isn’t it great how people make an assumption of your intentions to better yourself based on your exterior? Though I have found that if you contest this with “I’m genuinely just doing this for my health because I run out of breath walking up the stairs” then people quickly arrive at a place of understanding and start using the “good for you”s instead.
So, again, we acknowledge the importance of fueling ourselves with the correct food and exercising our physical body, so why are we so adverse to adequately fueling and exercising our minds?
We’re at a point where mental health is at the forefront of nearly every big discussion, we’re finally opening up to the fact that this is a huge concept that needs to be taken seriously. Why? Because mental health is just as important as physical health. I think the difficulty here is we as humans can easily identify signs of poor physical health or physical pain, but it’s much harder to identify emotional or mental pain. You can clearly see when someone has a broken leg, you can assume it probably hurts and understand right now there are physical limitations to what they’re able to do, but someone who’s feeling depressed may look exactly the same as every other person who’s ‘fine’, so when they tell you they don’t want to leave the house or how hopeless they feel all the time how do you know it’s real? How do you know they’re not lying for attention? And how can you even begin to understand it if you’ve never experienced it yourself? The answer is; you don’t. So that’s why you need to approach them with compassion and support them in getting any help they need. It’s easy to conceal things in your mind and therefore it’s easier for people to turn a blind eye or misunderstand, a Psychologist can see past the outer layer and guide you through what’s happening in your head to get you back on your feet.
Having a therapist is having a gym membership for your mind, and it should be just as normalised to see a therapist as it is to workout. Ok, not everyone can afford a therapist but not everyone can afford a gym membership either, there are free/low-cost alternatives to both that are readily accessible both online and in communities. Although self-help materials don’t quite substitute a Psychotherapist they can still do a world of good, my main point here is pursuing good mental health should be as encouraged as pursuing good physical health.
In my perfect world, everyone would have free access to therapy whenever they needed it as well as PT’s/professionally run classes (yes, it’s possible to exercise anywhere anytime but it’s also very possible to cause an injury if you do something wrong or push yourself too hard, so it’s advisable to have a professional present). Everyone benefits from exercise and everyone would benefit from seeing a therapist, we all have shit we need to work through even if it doesn’t seem like it at the surface.
We’re able to acknowledge spending time in therapy when you have a fairly serious mental health condition, such as an eating disorder, bipolar, depression etc. and so we often see it as a remedy to a problem — like those that only see diets and going to the gym as a way to combat negative weight gain — but it’s false. You don’t need to be overweight to exercise just like you don’t need to have a serious mental health condition to seek therapy, all of us should exercise our minds. Now, there is definitely a difference in those seeking therapy and help for serious conditions vs. those that are seeking it to better understand and obtain a deeper knowledge of themselves, but all of us experience ‘negative’ emotions and feelings and all of us will go through tough times in our lives; depression and a period of feeling depressed are not the same thing, but it does not mean both are not important or valid and shouldn’t be treated with compassion and severity. There are different forms of therapy for different problems, in the same way there are different diets and exercise routines to target each area of the body. Sometimes the right one takes time to find, don’t give up because the first try didn’t work out.
I’ve been in and out of therapy over the past few years of my life and I never felt comfortable going or that I really got much from my sessions. I recently started with a new therapist in the summer and it’s been the best thing I’ve ever done. Lisa is a Yoga therapist and incorporates a physical practice with psychotherapy to create a complete mind and body solution. For me, this has really worked but it’s not for everyone, it’s taken me since the age of 17 (I’m about to turn 24) to find the right kind of therapy for me as well as the right therapist.
We don’t quite recognise the impacts our lives are having on us, we’re taught to work like machines and repress negative emotion which will only ever create a misalignment within ourselves, sometimes so deep we don’t even realise it’s there. My mum turned to me the other day and said; “All of us spend our adult lives working through issues formed within our childhood” and I couldn’t agree more. Every single person’s mind works so differently there is never a one-size-fits-all solution, yet we push a ‘be normal’ expectation onto everyone that can only ever fail to be met. No one was raised perfectly, we all have things to unpack.
Therapy is not a sign of weakness. The people that love you will always be there to support you, but they can’t support you through everything, some things are out of their depth and their boundaries should be respected as much as your own, so telling someone they should look into professional help is not a dismissal or this earth-shattering awful reality to face up to. It doesn’t mean you’re crazy or a freak or anything to that context, it’s healthy, it’s productive and it’s taking care of yourself. One thing that is important to remember though is therapy will not cure you, therapy provides you with the tools and understanding to develop yourself. Only you have the power to change your life, no one can do it for you and I think that’s really amazing — you always have the strength you’re looking for, you just need some help digging it up.
Navigating through life is really fucking hard, some of us may seem more capable of doing it on our own but that’s not always the truth. Certain circumstances or situations can throw you out of your depth and land you flat on your face, it’s ok to ask for help and it’s ok to actively seek it, you never know what’s going on inside someone’s head — you really really don’t. People can play all kinds of characters and wear all kinds of masks, ‘skinny’ people are not always healthy and a smile does not mean someone’s ok, listen with your ears and not with your eyes, we all need help and we should be more open about getting it. Every single one of us spends 100% of our time in our own minds so let's make sure we’re ok in there because there’s nothing more terrifying than when you’re not.
Links to helpful materials recommended by myself and my friends and family:
The Highly Sensitive Person — Elaine N. Aron
12 Rules for Life — Jordan Peterson
First, We Make the Beast Beautiful — Sarah Wilson
(If you have any others to add/recommend please add them in a response!)
